Learn How
|
|
Bent, ravaged, weeping, the ex-wife spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases. All she wanted to do was bawl, but she had bawled too much already. She had kicked and screamed for weeks now. Now her time was all spent and threatening calls had bid her to pack and go. On the second day she felt stronger and stood straighter even as the movers came and collected her things. She was leaving them the beds, of course. They had already used hers, so often. She shook her head and cried again. On the third day there was a tiny, faint smile on her face occasionally, though the weeping would break forth in great wracking sobs and her head would sag to her chest. As the day came to a close she sat down by candlelight to enjoy one last meal at their beautiful dining room table that she had saved so hard to get. Soft background music seeped through the walls of her heart and old memories would break her heart again. She feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of pure spring water from the French Alps; Righteous alimony was good for something after all. When her meal was finished, she cleaned up the kitchen so vigorously that it glistened and shined, better than it ever had. “She'll never say I didn't keep a clean house,” she told herself fiercely as she put the cleaning tools aside. Tired and sore she came back into the dining room to rest for a moment. It began to grow dark. Shadows sifted into the room and she remembered all the nights she had sat in the shadows for Jerry to come home because he had been working late, so often. How could she have trusted him so firmly? Her eyes lifted to the window into the garden where her prized roses grew. It didn't seem fair that the new woman of Jerry's heart should inherit so many things she had loved so much. Not fair, not fair, not fair. "Lord, God, avenge me of my enemy," she prayed. Her eyes opened. Her gaze fell hopelessly upon the remainder of her meal. Then, a tiny, faint smile tugged at her lips. She arose and went into each and every room, pulling down the curtain rods and taking them apart as she went. Next, she came back into each room. Into the hollow shaft of each expensive curtain rod she shoved a few half-eaten shrimp shells - dipped in delicious caviar - and tromped them deep. The shadows were dark, the memories were clear, and the dreams of all her yesterdays were silent as she left the house and walked to her car. At the curb she turned and looked back. Even as her mind embraced the past she had lost forever, and her dreams of what might have been, a tiny, faint smile tugged at her lips. She got into the car and drove away. When Jerry moved in with his girlfriend, she was ecstatic at all she had inherited from the mean old wife that Jerry had left for her and she smothered him with kisses to express her delight and gratitude. For the first few days, all was bliss, bliss so intense it was almost frantic. But after a week or so, the house slowly began to smell. The new woman of the house tried everything; cleaning, mopping and airing the place out. Down on her knees, she cleaned out all the lower shelves, beneath the sink and under the refrigerator, she scrubbed. She scrubbed so hard that the chemicals turned her hands into ugly, scaly stubs that she hid behind her back any time she went out in public. Baffled, bewildered - and angry – she made Jerry sit down and help her decide what to do next. She showed him her hands and was stunned by the shock on his face, as if he hadn't even noticed. She was angrier yet and leaned forward as she spoke. “I want professionals to come in and clean this house from top to bottom!” Jerry backed up, and nodded. Professionals came in. The vents were checked for dead rodents, and the carpets were steam cleaned. Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators set off gas canisters, during which Jerry and the new woman of the house had to move out for a few days. in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting. Nothing worked!!! Their friends stopped coming over to visit. Repairmen refused to work in the house. Three maids in a row quit before they had worked an hour. With each new insult Jerry and his lover grew more baffled and more frustrated. Finally, they could not take the stench of the house any longer and decided to put the house up for sale. They moved out as soon as the house was listed, and left all the windows open. A month later, even though they had cut their price in half and offered a bonus, agents would only show the house if someone insisted. They dropped the listing and no other Realtor would accept a listing. They frankly admitted to Jerry that they could not find a buyer for his stinky house. “This home hates us!” Jerry's new lover screamed at him. “Even the walls in this house are drooping, as if it resents us being here, as if we were living in sin. “I want another home and I want a home as grand as this one was when we moved in.” Jerry was fuming with every breath when his ex-wife called and asked how things were going. He told her how hard he was working, and how suspicious his new lover was, just because he was working so hard. She politely brushed that aside and described her old home as if recalling an old and wonderful dream. “Why, I would be willing to reduce my divorce settlement some, in exchange for getting my old house back.” It was like a big light bulb exploded in his head as Jerry realized that she had no idea how bad the smell of that house was now. Reluctantly he agreed on a price that was only about 1/10th what the house had been worth, “ -- but only if you agree to sign the papers before noon.” “Before noon?” She paused upward in her flight of reverie. “Well. Well, okay -- I guess.” Jerry hung up, with a faint smile tugging at his lips, and he hired a fiduciary to rush the paperwork from his lawyers over for her signatures. The closing moved forward rapidly. A week later Jerry and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home........ And just to add insult to injury, they even took the curtain rods with them. |
She spent the first day
packing her belongings into boxes,
crates and suitcases.. On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things. On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candlelight, put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of spring-water. When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimp shells dipped in caviar into the hollow of the curtain rods. She then cleaned up the kitchen and left. When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days. Then slowly, the house began to smell. They tried everything; cleaning, mopping and airing the place out.
Vents were checked for
dead rodents and carpets were steam
cleaned. Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting. Nothing worked!!! People stopped coming over to visit. Repairmen refused to work in the house.
The maid quit.
Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move. A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky house. Word got out and eventually even the local realtors refused to return their calls. Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place. The ex-wife called the man and asked how things were going. He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely and said that she missed her old home terribly and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on a price that was about 1/10 th of what the house had been worth, but only if she were to sign the papers that very day. She agreed and within the hour his lawyers delivered the paperwork. A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home........ And to spite the ex-wife, they even took the curtain rods I LOVE A HAPPY ENDING, DON'T YOU? |
