Bumper Stickers
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Be careful, son. What you don't know can kid you. *** You can trust me, I'm a volunteer dentist!! *** This is the Lost and Found Department? Have you seen an old man that looks like he's hunting for his wife? *** When your money is all gone you only have 3 options. Beg, borrow and steal. Work is not an option for real men. ~ Lin Stone ** Well, here's our car and the key still works, so the bank hasn't been here yet. ** One inadvertent glance from him turned my dog ever after into a pessimist about human nature. *** I'm so old that our "WATER FEATURES" were still called DUCK PONDS when I was plumb grown. *** Keep both eyes on him. He may look harmless, but he's SNEAKY! and he's waiting for the last pinch. *** One thing every writer needs occasionally is a good quote just to prove s/he can still afford to read bumper stickers. Lin Stone *** Okay, officer. But how many more speeding tickets do I need before we become friends? *** Is it love? Or is it fiscal attraction? *** We'll jump off that bridge when we come to it. Lawrence Block. *** "He'll doublecross that bridge when he comes to it." Oscar Levant *** My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted. ~ Ed Dyson If a clock is hungry does it go back four seconds? ~ Ed Dyson I am not stupid. Everyone else is just smarter than me. ~ Ed Dyson I'm not laughing at you, I'm laughing with you...you're just not laughing yet. ~ Ed Dyson What should you do if you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant? ~ Ed Dyson * I have a choice to make, but do I get to choose what that choice will make? The older I get the more old choices I discover that need repenting of before I can bury them. Oh, if only I had known then how important my choices were going to be. ** Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured. ~ MarkTwain +++ People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy. Bob Hope No one party can fool all of the people all of the time; that's why we have two parties. Bob Hope **
Am I saying that you don't
know God since your beliefs don't agree with mine? Yes. *** Most health insurance plans are like hospital gowns. You just think you're covered. ***
*** There is bound to be a certain amount of trouble in running any country. If you are president all the trouble happens to you but if you are a tyrant you can arrange things so that most of the trouble happens to other people. Don Marquis Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday. Don Marquis *** A dollar saved is a quarter earned. Oscar Levant *** Lead us not into more temptation and deliver us from getting caught off base about yesterday's main event. Matthew 6: 13 There is a lot of difference in pioneering for gold and pioneering for spinach. Will Rogers All I know is just what I read in the papers. Will Rogers ** She looked just like a fireplug with a bright red wig clamped on sideways. * Sheila and curbs are intimately acquainted. * Even the most inept nurses are professionally adept at making patients believe there is something important being done for them somewhere else, far away. * You never realize how short a month is until you start paying alimony. ~ John Barrymore ** In my country we go to prison first and then become President. ~ Mandela ** You never want your enemy to know how smart you are. ***
If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to
the frying pan? ~ Ed Dyson
*** I don't understand it; I gave her everything my credit card could buy and she still left me. ~ Lin Stone He is so insensitive that he just doesn't care any more. She offered me a penny for my thoughts on the economy and I gave her my two cents worth, then printed out a statement for the balance. If ignorance is bliss, why do so many people frown when they see me? Never put off until tomorrow what you can do next week. If you become too open-minded your brains will fall out. Forgive your enemies and they may let you breathe again. When an elevator is overloaded with convicts, who is criminally responsible? Will be back in 2 hours; gone out to search the world for a life that doesn't suck. Like you, once upon a time I judged people by their appearances. Then one day, I glanced into a mirror and I decided to make a single exception to that rule. ~ Lin Stone It only takes 10 minutes for the shrink to slap a label on your forehead; but it costs your insurance company 10 grand before he cuts you in on the secret. ~ Lin Stone I felt righteous and stupid at the same time. It's remarkable how often those two feelings show up together. ~ Lawrence Block The clutter you see clattering my desk is the sign of a genius in the throes of organizing my work station according to Makeshift Management Procedures. Please come back next week for the final results. I am NOT devious! You just got confused trying to read my mind from a different angle than you did yesterday. ~ http://www.talewins.com/quotewrite/Stone.htm *** I am NOT devious! You just got confused by trying to read my mind from a tottering angle ***
Click HERE! ** My doctor said I was sick, he said I was a sick man in a perfectly healthy body. He might be right; I did let him run all those tests he charged me for. ~ Lin Stone. ** The only thing worse than a psychiatrist is a doctor that thinks he is smart enough to practice psychiatry without studying. "Doc, not even a psychiatrist teaching doctors how to be psychiatrists is smart enough to practice psychiatry." When a mechanic can not find what's wrong with his patient his reputation shrivels until he is judged incompetent. When a medical doctor can't find the problem s/he soon becomes a specialist demanding top consultant fees for running more tests. Obesity is usually caused by the habit of eating everything on your plate. When psychiatrists realized that mothers would take the blame for causing that habit, family services were invented and no psychiatrist has gone hungry since then. *** I have a choice to make. But have I got a choice what choice I make? ~ Lawrence Block *** My garage only hires mechanics trained to practice alternative medicine; Mine uses acupuncture to repair tires. The man who goes farthest in life usually has an Energizer Bunny beneath the hood.
In Africa last week a man broke into a home and slaughtered the helpless family. Millions of Africans declared him a hero. Yes, they declared Africa was on the brink of a brilliant take off. I ask you, can a people with hearts set on black deeds like this ever be permitted to participate in our modern warfare activities? Everything I read ** The pool was so crowded today that I had to dive in 3 times before I hit the water. ** After wars, enemies trade? Why the hell did we buy the war when credit was on the way? ~ Lin Stone ** My bookkeeper is a ledger on his own time. *** I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that! ~ Ed Dyson I've become addicted to therapy and no one knows how to treat me. Ed Dyson Laziness is only the art of resting before you get tired. Ed Dyson This project is so important, we can't even let things that are more important interfere with it. Ed Dyson Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried to slam a revolving door shut. If you have 24 odds and ends on a table, and 23 fall off, what do you have left, an odd or an end? I never apologize. I'm sorry, but that's
just the way I am.
Ed Dyson Ed Dyson: There ought to be a better way to start the day than by getting up in the morning.
Ed Dyson:
Everyone is entitled to my opinion. *** I don't believe reincarnation is very successful; I had this same job last time. ** The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it. -Franklin P. Jones *** She ran away from home 3 years ago and nobody missed her; they thought she was still in the bathroom. ** Children are crucial to family life; without them we'd never get the telly programmed right. ** Why is it that every time a witness volunteers to tell the truth that some lawyer objects? ** The issue of whether Freemasons have secrets or not is a closely guarded secret. ** Postal workers are asking for another holiday this year so they can catch up on their emails. ** A lot of things have happened to us since we went to school here together. Some of you went on to become lawyers, politicians, stockbrokers or accountants, while the rest of us went on to become useful members of society. ** Isn't it wonderful to get together like this every 25 years to see who is coming apart? ** When I was young I used to think wealth and power would make me happy; and I was right. ~ Gahan Wilson ** His ancestors were so short his family tree is a stump. ** The biggest thing wrong with referees is that they don't care much who wins. ** God bless this bunch while they munch their lunch. *** A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her. ~ W. C. Fields Hell, I never vote for anybody, I always vote against. ~ W. C. Fields I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday. ~ W. C. Fields If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it. ~ W. C. Fields It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to. ~ W. C. Fields It's morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money. ~ W. C. Fields The best thing for a case of nerves is a case of Scotch. ~ W. C. Fields Start every day off with a smile and get it over with. ~ W. C. Fields There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation. ~ W. C. Fields *** If there is anything I can't stand it is a fellow who's got an itch to do good. ~ Robert Wilder *** The nice thing about standards is, there are so many to choose from. ~ Ed Dyson |
Fine Quotes
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