Pearls From My Lips

Sign in the window.  This store is so broke we hardly ever have more than $50 left in the store after the sun sets.  ... Then right beside it is another sign saying:  Now looking for full and part time help: All applicants must be able to pass the expert markmanship test and be able to demonstrate a reasonably fast draw.

I've been working all week on the last 10 minute job you gave me.  From now on I won't take anything less than a 15 minute assignment.

After watching two burly truck drivers ahead of them flirt with the curly-headed waitress the nerd turned to his wife and muttered:  "The only thing men like that are good for is shoving other men away from the pig trough."

.

My sense of Humor is so unique it took twenty years of hard practice before anyone even realized I was trying to tell a joke.
Then it took ten more years before anyone actually laughed at one of my stories I'd made up.  But, less than two years later my humorous articles were being published in national magazines.
The way my progress is accelerating it is obvious that by the time I die --
Everyone on Earth will be Laughing!

We must have had over $20,000 all told and were in a neighborhood where petty theft, burglary and robbery were the predominant means of support.  As more and more eyes slid my way to evaluate my cargo I decided that I'd better devote my attention to looking bad.

It wasn't that hard.  After all,  I am 6'2" and I weighed 240.  I won my first knife fight at age 11 and had been shot at a few times before then.  Mickey Spillane came on strong.  I scowled at everyone.  I was bad.  "Don't even think about coming over this way."  Mickey never could have done it so good.

Then this tall dude approached us from down the street.  His angry eye studied every man in sight.  Then he ignored everybody there and headed right for me.  I scowled fiercely.  He noted it, and kept right on coming.  Anger burned its way right up to the top of my eyebrows.  I was ready to blister every hair off his head.

He stopped beside my door, staring right at me.  I cranked the window down about four inches, just low enough to let him know I wasn't afraid of him, and still high enough   to get the message across I didn't want any trouble either.

"I'm hungry," he said.  "Can you spare a dollar or two for me to get something to eat?"

I studied him for a moment and having been homeless myself for eight long years, I realized he really was hungry.  I reached into my own pocket to bring out 3 one dollar bills.  "Thanks," I said as I handed them to him.

"You're welcome,"  He nodded, and walked back the way he'd come from, right past the big liquor store and into the big bakery that specialized in day old bread.

People were watching me.  I tried to scowl to show how bad I was.  But it didn't work; out of everybody on the street that man had unerringly picked me out as the nicest guy there.

You can rip off
some of the people Most of the time.
But sooner or later
All of the People will insist on
letting someone else do it to them.