Almost Good
Housekeeping

Is it safer
to eat in the bathroom?

story by Lin Stone

*

"Some people don't believe I care about a clean house," said Mary as we sat down on the couch and dust wheezed out from four sides.   "But I do."

She sniffed and wiped at her eyes as she explained her theory.  "Jim's a mechanic and a cowboy.  He comes home every day, exhausted and dirty.  I want him to know he can lay down or sit down anywhere in this house without feeling as if he's getting the place any dirtier than it already is."

I glanced around the room and nodded to myself; her sacrifice had won the victory; Jim would NEVER feel uncomfortable in flopping anywhere I could see!

Good housekeeping today is equal to spotless.  Well, Mary thinks good housekeeping is for Governors and United States Senators running for President.  "The laws they pass prove they don't have a clue to what life is really about."

I'm sure Mary knows there's at least one doctor today saying publicly that it is safer to eat in most bathrooms than in most kitchens because bathrooms are cleaned up and disinfected more often.  

She just doesn't agree with him.  "I really think Ben Franklin was onto something.  Back in Ben's muddy day, less than 3% of the deaths could be traced back to clean, disinfected medical institutions. Today, our hospitals are the most disinfected places on earth, yet 92.165% of the people dying in the United States were either 

  • in the hospital at the time they died, 
  • had just left the hospital, 
  • or had suffered long and lingering deaths due to staph infections."

Mary's right.  
Even doctors and nurses are dying in hospitals today.

Of course, Mary is taking Ben Franklin's advice
(to let the little kids play in the dirt now so they won't get sick later)
one step further and hauling the dirt inside so they can get at it quicker.

To dig and delve in nice clean dirt
Can do a mortal little hurt.
John Kendrick Bangs 1862 - 1922

 However, we were healthier back in the good old days.  

Kids were bullied into staying healthy with harsh threats:   
"If you don't get well I'm going to take you to the doctor!"  
Oh, how well we knew those Euromerican doctors were eager to saw off arms and legs when the medicine man failed.  

No self-respecting Indian would go to see a doctor unless he WAS dying.  For example, one Indian came into a drug store with one eye dangling out of its socket.  The pharmacist urged him to go to the hospital.   "No.  I come in for eye drops."

He didn't go to the hospital, and he still has both eyes, 
a tribute to almost good housekeeping if I ever saw one.

Is it any wonder I'm a sponsor of ALMOST Good Housekeeping?   

As long as I'm not in any danger of breaking my neck while hurrying to the bathroom for a quick hamburger you won't hear me complaining about how dirty your house is.

Discover these great essays in the following folders
  Family  *  Inspirational  *  Helpful  *  Social 
 War  *  Freedom  *  Money  *  Superb Essays from 1850
 

And then, we have these essays in the GENERAL ESSAYS category 
which don't seem to fit anywhere in particular:

That first day of school  

Friendship, by Ralph Waldo Emerson.  A ruddy drop of manly blood The surging sea outweighs, The world uncertain comes and goes, The lover rooted stays. I fancied he was fled, And, after many a year, Glowed unexhausted kindliness Like daily sunrise there. My careful heart was free again, -- O friend, my bosom said, Through thee alone the sky is arched, Through thee the rose is red, All things through thee take nobler form, And look beyond the earth, And is the mill-round of our fate A sun-path in thy worth. Me too thy nobleness has taught To master my despair; The fountains of my hidden life Are through thy friendship fair.

A Break From Boredom  --  by Lance Nalley 

The gods and Heroes of the Ancient World 

Staunch, steadfast, loyal and true.  What better friend can a man have?

This Web is MY Web  

The Moon on Six Pence Uncle Bob was an unforgettable character who traveled the world on bargain rates and golden smiles!

Man, the Meanie of the Planet.  This is a high resolution pdf document so you can print it out and hang it on the wall.  Be sure to RIGHT Click the link, and save it to your computer.

The Almost Good Housekeeping monograph is a good excuse for the harried homemaker to put off until tomorrow all those burdens of yesteryear, and quit trying so hard.

Sex before the Sax:  The first thing I learned about Lois was she had a label for being froward.  Kids at school said she had had sex with Alfred.  Not long after I arrived, another boy came forward to admit he had made a score at her door.

God Does Not Fit  -- by Lance Nalley

Old Rattler, and the King Snake. 

Pleasures of the open fire: The Fireplace Revisited.

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