Even from the earliest days, Mama always let me build a fire under the old blackened wash tub. When the water came to a rapid boil Mama would lift up the tub by herself to pour it into the ancient washing machine.
Maybe Mama was that strong because she was born to harsher times: Times when the curfew laws were enforced with the long horse whip; times when thicknin' gravy really made with milk was served as a celebration; times of violence when threatening men with guns at the door were in deadly anger met.
Half Choctaw, she seldom spoke; once she even knocked me across the room for failing to hear her nod. I learned to watch her eyes when I entered her presence after being gone a short time. Fierce and angry waves often heaved in scathing turmoil from azure depths within her eyes and bade me tread lightly. Even at the best of times, words frothing with anger could explode like pistol shots from her churning tongue.
Only once did she find time to tell us how she came to marry Daddy. Mama said Aunt Ruth stopped her one night out on the darkened porch. "There's a new man on Snake Island, and he's MINE!"
"No he's not," Mama bristled instantly. "He's MINE!"
I was about seven when Mama told us the tale. She ended the short narrative with a sad shaking of her head, and the ebbing words still sigh inside my soul. "I've wished a thousand times I had let Ruth have the old fool!"
Me and Lib glanced knowingly at each other. We had been wishing the very same thing. Daddy made us work; Mama made us candy. Just as simple as that, we knew Mama was the good guy. So, no matter how hot it got, we gladly followed her anywhere she went in the blistering sun. If we wanted to go she said I had to pull Lib in the wagon, and as we struggled to keep up with her down those dusty, winding roads, I'd cry out as I lunged against the wagon tongue, "Mama, Mama. Wait on me. I'm a going too!"
Those days are gone; with my youth they have fled. Mama's work is done. Her once piercing blue eyes now tug inwards with constant pain. Once she could heave tubs of boiling water up by herself alone. Now she needs our help to glance out upon the quay.
The curling currents of time are snatching her away; away from us into the sunset; the sunset that comes but once to man, to no more be. The white-frocked priests in our glimmering glass temples have given up. After doing their best, Mama's doctors have told us to stand helplessly aside and let the waves of time hurl her beyond our ken. They say there is no need for Mama to struggle on like she does as her life seeps away. "She is only making it worse. There is no way she can win."
The wave of her life is wringing out like a breaker against the writhing shore. And no man helpless, can stem that darkened tide. But Mama never quit on a thing, and I know she won't give up the fight now.
As I gaze beyond her hospital bed, through her window to the open sea, I find myself wondering if all of life is like that vast ocean with waves of time throbbing beneath the mariner's moon. Are we all tramps poised forever like a speck of flotsam, each perched on our own frothing wave? Won't my life and yours yet erase, like Mama's, upon some unknown shore, always reached too soon.
All those ancient mariners of Mu, Crete, and Greece; we know they once frolicked ahead of us on life's same tossed ocean score. Like us, they also felt securely blessed while their history reached a billowed crest. Yet we see them here no more. No eye can pierce the shallows where their shades are now so humbly beached.
Only our faith in God whispers what haven awaits the soul, or what silent bay is ever reached. Just as all those lives on ancient waves ahead of us have crashed in with crescending roars and clawed defiant their way, clinging in death against all the distant shores, so too will our own lives soon vanish from view.
The currents of eternity are sweeping Mama closer, ever closer to the battered cove, as part after defiant part in her body flinches from the stern commands she yet snaps their way. Her dim-lit eyes have clearly seen the reefs that churn the waters flooding home. And though I'd do anything to row her backward against the ripping tide, she hears the siren calling from those boulders dark and green.
Mama's almost gone now. She is too limp to
hold even in my arms to weep. I can only kiss once more her troubled brow. Then as another
moment together is ripped forever aside I hear those ancient words rumble again now,
pleading from my longing heart inside --- "Mama, Mama. Wait for me.
I'm a going too!"
the end
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