Almost Good Housekeeping

"Some people don't believe I care about a clean house," said Mary as we sat down on the couch and thick dust wheezed out from four sides. "But I do."

She sniffed and wiped at her eyes as she explained her theory. "Jim's a mechanic and a cowboy. He comes home every day, exhausted and dirty. I want him to know he can lay down or sit down anywhere in this house without feeling as if he's getting the place any dirtier than it already is."

I glanced around the room and nodded to myself; her sacrifice had won the victory; Jim would NEVER feel uncomfortable in flopping anywhere I could see!

Good housekeeping today is equal to spotless. Well, Mary thinks good housekeeping is for Governors and United States Senators running for President. "The laws they try to pass prove they don't have a clue to what life is really about."

I'm sure Mary knows there's at least one doctor today saying publicly that it is safer to eat in most bathrooms than in most kitchens because bathrooms are cleaned up and disinfected more often.

She just doesn't agree with him. "I really think Ben Franklin was onto something. Back in Ben's muddy day, less than 3% of the deaths could be traced back to clean, disinfected medical institutions. Today, our hospitals are the most disinfected places on earth, yet 92.165% of the people dying in the United States were either

in the hospital at the time they died,
had just left the hospital,
or had suffered long and lingering deaths due to staph infections."

Mary's right.
Even doctors and nurses
are dying in hospitals today.

Of course, Mary is taking Ben Franklin's advice ( to let the little kids play in the dirt now so they won't get sick later) one step further and hauling the dirt inside her house so they can get at it quicker.

However, we were healthier back in the good old days.

Kids were bullied into staying healthy with harsh threats:
"If you don't get well I'm going to take you to the doctor!"
We knew those Euromerican doctors were eager to saw off arms and legs when the medicine man failed.

No self-respecting Indian would go to see a doctor unless he WAS dying. For example, one Indian came into a drug store with one eye dangling out of its socket. The pharmacist urged him to go to the hospital. "No. I come in for eye drops."

He didn't go to the hospital, and he still has both eyes,
a tribute to almost good housekeeping if I ever saw one.

Is it any wonder I'm a sponsor of ALMOST Good Housekeeping?
As long as I'm not in any danger of breaking my neck
while hurrying to the bathroom for a quick hamburger
you won't hear me complaining about how dirty
your house is.