Plots and Stories
For Your Free Use


Copyright © 1917-2008
by Tale Wins

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***

I'm not the guvnment,
but feel free to flesh out any of these plots with your own writing abilities anyway. 
I'd appreciate it very much if you let me read the finished product for free

What is a plot?

The plot is what drives your story, book or play.
A plot can be as simple as: Boy meets girl.
or, even better yet:  Boy meets THE girl.
An example of elaboration would be, Boy that has the gods cheering him on
meets girl afraid of being singled out because she is different.
Then there is the beach movie plot, Boy meets ten girls.

When you think plot, think CONFLICT. 
Who wants something and
who is going to keep him or her from getting it?

The Fairy Who Lost Her Toadstool

Just as important as conflict
is SITUATION. 

Let's set this O. Henry sample up for an example.

Way back when the dollar was worth at least fifteen cents, Gladys and Margaret took the LONG, scenic route home from their latest bridge club meeting.  Their back tire blew out and Gladys just got the car stopped safely.  They surveyed the damage then looked both ways.  "You know, I haven't seen another car in the last half hour," said Gladys.

"That's right," Margaret admitted.  She looked the other way, and sighed.  "Do you think it will fix itself?" she asked.

"I'm sure it won't," said Gladys.  She turned to look in the opposite direction.  "We'll just have to wait for someone to come along."

Almost an hour later someone does come along.  He stops in front of them  and asks if they have a spare.  "I'm sure we do," said Gladys.  She hands him the key to the trunk.

The car rocks from side to side as the man wrestles to remove the spare and spare changing tools.  "Oh, he's only got one arm," Margaret said.  "Do you think a one-armed man can do us any good?"

"I don't know," Gladys admitted.  "But he is trying SO hard; we can't make him quit without embarrassing him."

"That's right," said Margaret.  "But he sure is making a lot of racket back there.  Oh look, Gladys.  He has done it.  Shall we invite him to dinner?"

"Oh, I know we should," Gladys responded.  "But he's just SO dirty!"

"I know, I know.  He smells, and he's clumsy too.  He'd probably knock the tea pot over.  Why, there's no telling what might happen if we invite him to dinner."

The two ladies shuddered at the thought of their porcelain tea pot shattering on the floor.  "Let's just give him $5.00 and be done with him," Gladys suggested.  Her friend quickly agreed.

"Here you go, kind sir," said Gladys as she held the currency out the window for the one-armed man to take.  "$5.00 for your act of charity."

The man glanced at the bill, then raised his gaze and glared at the two women.  "$5.00?   Do you know how much a wrecker would charge you for coming out this far to change a flat for you.  And do you realize how long you'd have to wait before a wrecker got out here?

"Ladies, you open those purses up again and peel out a hundred dollars for my help!" 

You might name this one THE ONE-ARMED BANDIT.  Fill it in and flesh it out and you'll have yourself a good story.

Here you go with another one for a LONG book.

Martha June Wilkerson is at home.
A snow storm is raging outside.  Martha's husband is gone.  Her son is fourteen and looking for heroes.  Her daughter is sixteen and feeling like an old maid.

They hear a scuffle and shaarp cries of pain outside.  Martha grabs the rifle off the wall and hands a pistol to her son, then she opens the door.  Two men have seen their light through the storm and inched their way there. 

One man is wearing handcuffs, but he has a star on his chest.  The other man holds a pistol on the man and is reaching for the star when the door opening sends a splash of light on his actions.  One man is young and well-dressed, in other words, mariageable.  The other man is older, rugged and fierce, in other words, hero material..

Both men claim to be THE marshal and that the other shot two deputies.  "I was taking him in when he got the jump on me."

The storm is getting worse instead of getting better.  Animals have to be taken care of, and a way of doing it devised.  Meanwhile we have two men behaving like animals and each one trying to convince us that HE is the GOOD guy.  We don't know what has happened to the father, killed, wounded, coming back, battling madly to get home, or scurrying off to get drunk at the nearest fort; you make it work your way.  We do have a wagon and two horses and our two marshals are both demanding the animals so they can take the other man in but if we do that we are left stranded out here with Indians possibly on the war path. 

We have now set the situation up so that it drives the story, novel or play.  We can make it even more complicated by setting the TIME or era to make it even more interesting, like just before the Civil War -- or we can just let the era hang loose without mentioning the date so that it doesn't matter and is easier for you to handle.

Now you, the author or playwright, has to decide WHAT is going to be decided here.  Will it be your main character's job to decide who is good and who is evil?  Or, is the job to protect the family at all costs?  Or to keep either child from running off with their imaginations and upsetting the quo status qua? 

once you decide the purpose, the situation will virtually develop itself with every word you write leading naturally to another paragraph, and your passion will boil out across the pages like hot lava.

Max Brand wrote and published hundreds of novels.  How did he find so many plots?  His number one ploy was to begin reading someone else's book.  After the third chapter he would stop and ask himself how HE would finish this book.  That answer was his plot.  "Then all I had to do was create a new beginning, and I had a fresh book." 

You can take any Max Brand plot and give it a new premise to have a brand new plot.

Following his example you could watch old reruns, like Bob Steele in Thunder Town. Bob has been in prison and takes a parole. He returns to Thunder Town to find those who framed him, but he is restricted by the rules of his parole, no big iron on his hip, no getting in fights. You stop the show right here and solve this problem in your own mind. You start with the exact same setup, an angry man returns, no gun, no fight.

Maybe you then invent a kid brother that wants the reputation your main character once had. Again, your script will almost write itself. But if you are already a more accomplished writer let's take a detour here. Instead of a kid brother eager to take on the tough ways that runs the ringleaders out of town, you invent an older man, a saloon spitoon swamper -- the ONLY ally of our un-gunned hero. Can he be turned into a fire breathing giant? And how do we go about this transformation? This is a tougher write but the story will be more powerful. Use the cards that fill your hand here.

***

Or -- Have you ever been amongst a group of people and heard an interesting situation described?
Right there could be the germ of a new plot for you. Write it down, flesh it out, research it if
necessary, and start writing.
Another way of finding new plots is to deliberately MIS-hear a snatch of conversation. "Oh, I thought you said,,," and go with what you thought you heard. Before long your spouse will be bragging about the interesting conversations yawl have, but that's just a super bonus.
***
Then there are the plots I find by WHAT IFing.
One day I was headed for the temple and had to make a detour to the VA Hospital in my finest clothes.
As I emerged from the hospital there was a man sitting outside, waiting for the free bus to take him home. His clothes were rags, his countenance was frayed with harsh living. But because he is a Vet and probably a better man than me I spoke to him on my way out. He called me back and he commented on how nice my clothes were. "Can I feel them?" Sure. I walked back and he thrust his hand out to my front, right hand pocket of my trousers. He rubbed his fingers back and forth and rolled his eyes. "Cool threads man, Cool threads."
Compliments of the Salvation Army, I told him, and took my leave.
Nothing story-worthy there.  But wait, WHAT IF, what if I hadn't gone ten feet before he began screaming for the police. What if he accused me of stealing his diamond ring. "I saw him put it in the front right hand pocket of his trousers."
Hey, suddenly I've got a situation here. I have the makings of a novel, or at least a good short story.
Do you see what I'm saying? There's a dozen what ifs in my life before every noon. Surely you can find one or two a year to write a novel around.

.
talewins.com, your guide to better reading, writing and publishing

 
One great place to find free plots is listening to Country And Western lyrics.  I don't mean just old Johnny Horton songs either.  Johnny made you feel good by making something look impossible, then crooning it done.  Some of those older lyrics are strongly plotted, like Hang Down Yore Head Tom Dooley, or Don't Wear Yore Guns To Town Johnny.  Change the names, times and situations and you have a glory-winning plot on your hands.  Ethan Allen wasn't the only one that climbed a mountain.  Crazy Horse wasn't the only one that stood his stallion over Custer's curly locks.  Barbara wasn't the only Babe in a Bikini to ride a bucking bull that the bar owner plugs into the wall either, for that matter. 

Another tool for finding plots is obituaries

That's right, obituaries.  Some of them are true gems.  Here's one I found in today's paper.. only slightly embellished.  Bobby Joe Beasley:  It never mattered to Bobby if the glass was half full or half empty because Bobby swilled it swiftly down anyway.

He was born in the city but raised on a farm and amazingly enough he got along with the cowboys even though he was a city slicker.  Occasionally he could even tell the hind end of a cow from the front end.  His real passion was music and in a way he was a true genius.  Bobby had his own band while still in high school and he shook his leg in public ten whole weeks before Elvis did.

Another passion soon consumed him.  Booze, the muse that almost works, became his constant genie.  Consequently he was ill prepared for the exponential growth of his family and it was his wife that put food on the table while he hammered out tunes on the sax alone.

Bobby always maintained a man's true measure was taken in the early morning hours of struggle in waiting for the first bar to open, so in lieu of sending flowers -- please just buy another round at the tavern where you usually drink, just for the gratifying ring of drunken applause that Bobby loved so much.

***

Sometimes just a good title can bring a whole novel swimming into view.  Here's an example:

The Pitiful Lovers of Pike's Pique

One more tool here.  Instead of Let's Suppose, I use the Let's Transpose tool.
Here's how it works.  Just for example, have a kidnaper feeling sorry for
himself and working hard to wring genuine sympathy from his three captives.

(NOTE:  Kidnaper has been spelled wrong for so long
that now it looks wrong when it is spelled right.
I refuse to give in to the likes of Stevenson or even Hemingway.)

**

And we all know the story of Sampson.--
What a hero he was, his place is assured in history forever.
And Delilah?  Poor woman.  She has been typecast forever as the
evil woman who gave him up to the wicked Philistines. 
But, what if Delilah gets a chance to tell HER side of the story?  Do you
realize what SHE had to put up with?  She didn't ask for this marriage, Sampson was
dumped upon her.  Here's this guy that never combs his hair, hasn't had a haircut
in thirty years, thinks he is God's gift to women, and flecks his pecks in front
of her every fifteen minutes. 

***

Now, it doesn't have to be Delilah; you can set this in a modern setting with
anyone. Let's go with a modern husband and a modern wife.  Everything is
going swimmingly, as the husband supposes, and suddenly he is hit up side
the head with the demand for a divorce.  The charge is mental cruelty.  It
isn't enough that he prove to a court of law that the charge is groundless,
how does he prove to himself he never done it?

Better yet, the wife is suddenly trying to put the man under psychiatric care
"He keeps saying there are bugs in the house.  He scratches until the blood
runs, but there aren't any bugs."

---  Then there's my favorite transposition.. We all know the "true" story of Tarzan and Jane,
how she fell madly in love with this savage brute and admired his every failing...
But let's transpose dear Jane for a moment.  Instead of appreciating everything
done by this ape man, everything he does is wrong, DEAD WRONG.
"What do you mean tearing up these beautiful flowers just to make me
a bed for one night?  And take that silly lion skin off your loins buddy,
I've got a pair of Levis that will just fit you."

***

When Custer died Libby Custer swept the nation with her idolized version of
his life and times.  Her books and talks kept bread on her table while
making Custer a Saint.  But what if we turn the tables on Custer twice and
have their dear sweet Mamie tell the inside story of how they really lived?

These plots are just starters to get your creative juices flowing.  Use the plots
to start your story out, and take the rest of the book (or story) wherever you wish to go.

There's a scout out there

It's the last game of the season and coach tells the team a national scout has been seen in the grandstands.  "Play your hearts out.  Make him notice you."

The news is intoxicating and the team scrambles for the scrimmage line.  There's a scout up there.  There's a scout up there watching US.  There's a scout up there watching ME!

The quarterback pulls some fancy plays and the team shows off in its glory.  The game is soon over, and they won by just a few points, but it had been a beautiful game.  The coach tells the quarterback to hang back in the dressing room.  "Let the scout come to you, boy."

They wait for thirty minutes, but no scout shows up. 

"Maybe he's waiting at your house.  Maybe he's going to write you a letter.  Maybe somebody made a mistake?"

They go to the teen hang out and the whole place is ringing with excitement.  "Johnny's been picked by the scout."

Stunned, the quarterback leaves the joint while the coach rushes over to congratulate Johnny.  As the quarterback pauses by the coach's car he notices an older man getting into a Cadillac.  He rushes over.  "Aren't you the scout?"

"Yes."

After a pause too long the quarterback says.. "I'm the quarterback from the winning team tonight."

"Yeah, I believe you are."

There's another pause too long.  Then the quarterback asks, "Didn't you like the way I played?"

"Oh, you were pretty good," says the scout.  He pauses for a moment as if wondering how blunt he should be.  "I guess you don't realize that games are won and lost long before the football team is ever picked."

"What?  There's nobody fixing the games I've played in."

"No, not fixing, just picking the competition."  The scout pauses again, shrugs then plows on.  "Before the school year ever starts somebody down in the office goes to a meeting where they pick the schools they want to play against.  There's teams they don't want you to meet, and there's teams they beg to come against you.  You've had it easy all year, son.  It's been like playing your own second string.  You've been a hero here, but you up against some real competition and you'd get wiped out in the first quarter.  It might be a good idea to go down to the office sometime and tell them how much you appreciate THEIR strategy for making you look like a hero."

***

The car screeched to a halt only inches away from the spectators ringed around the fiercely burning house.  Both doors slammed open.  The man exploded from the car like a shot from a cannon.  He broke through the spectators and lunged for the hole where the front door used to be.  He was screaming: "Larry!  Shirley!  LARRY --"

The woman sagged on the car door, screaming at the top of her lungs... "Larry, SHIRLEY!"

Two of the firemen sprinted after the man.  Joe tackled him, but the man kept right on struggling to get away.  "They're safe," Joe shouted.  "We got them out!"

The man didn't hear, or hearing, did not understand.  He tore loose and -- eyes wild with terror -- sped again for the open hole filled with boiling flames and oil-laden smoke.

You can take it from there.  Right?

***

Here's a tougher write. 
All doctors profess themselves good at spotting hypochondriacs, the malingerers, and the outright frauds.  Dr. Henry Jones prided himself on being one of the best spotters and would go to any length to expose them.

Then, one day, he finds himself suffering from a strange malaise.  At first he tries to find the cause himself.  As his own patient he is far from successful.  So he engages the best friend he has in the medical profession.  The months go by and suddenly he realizes he is no longer one of the gods, but definitely marked down on the list of hypochondriacs. 

==============

After a vicious and disastrous early morning attack the Captain of Company E goes
looking for an officer who is naturally awake early in the morning and appoints him
to form a Knight Platoon. 

This platoon is designated to work in the early morning hours from midnight to 8.
They do all the guard duty in those hours, keep the coffee hot, start breakfast going,
catch up the slack wherever it falls. The next time the enemy attacks in the early morning.  Not only is disaster averted but many prisoners are taken and not one attacker escapes.

****

I had zipped up the inner protective portion and begun tugging up the outer covering when Marleen said, “Don't you mind wearing that stupid, Buck Rogers outfit?”

“No,” I told her sadly. “What I mind is going through the living room and having Little Zeke snap to attention and salute me.”

She rolled over to face me. After a moment of intense study she realized I was serious. “Why does he do that?”

“Because the first time he saw me in this suit I told him I was going to the city park to pick up trash. 'Oh,' he said, understanding immediately. 'You're doing your part to keep the world environmentally safe!' I didn't have the moral courage to tell him I was the mayor doing my civic duty, and he's been saluting me ever since.”

Marleen chuckled; she loves to hear me confess my shortcomings. Then she paused to look serious. “But why does it matter if he salutes you?”

“Because that means he is in the top 20% of his class and he has been dot.coded to be politically correct.. Remember, Congress told us we had voted for that piece of legislation when we voted that 'Whats-her-face' woman in for President. For some reason I've been ashamed of every politically correct child I've seen since then, especially when they are in my own family.”

My Son John

Gene Verenable comes out of the rest area bathroom and notices a family at one of the tables. The man and woman have been arguing. She has been crying and he looks baffled and  frustrated. On an impulse, Gene walks over and speaks to them.

He quickly learns they are broke, tired and hungry. Gene suggests that they use the rest room to pretty themselves up while he puts gas in their car. When they come back he leads them into town and buys lunch for them at a full-scale restaurant. It is just upscale enough to impress them without embarrassing them.

Gene talks with the father to learn what kind of work the father can do. The father has only basic skills and limited education. Gene nods as he assesses the father's talents.

I have some friends in this town, he says. Let me go make some phone calls while yawl finish eating. Minutes later he comes back with a list of names and addresses of people who need odd jobs done for them that day. If you start right now you can earn enough money to rent a place to stay for the night. Then you can start early in the morning and finish up the list I give you. If you do a good job some of these people will suggest friends of theirs who need work done for them too. You can go on from there.

What can we do to pay you back asks the father.

Gene becomes very serious. He looks the father right in the eye and says, I have a son. His name is John.

He is a very wayward boy. Sometimes I think he hates everyone and everything in this world. Remember his name -- John Verenable.

I think that some day you will meet him when he really needs some help. Please do what you think is best for him.

The father starts to work and the family merges into the community. They live there for nine years and then move to New York City.

Before long, the father joins the police force. A short time later he accidentally interrupts a robbery and ends up as a hostage to the frantic young robber.

During a long siege, he begins to talk to the young man. He learns that the young man is named John. John, he asks sharply? What is your last name?

"John Jones," responds the boy.

"John Jones," the father muses. "What was your father's first name?"

"Salem Jones," the boy grimaces as if scarcely able to bear the sound of that name.

"Salem Jones," exclaims the policeman. "I think I know him! Yes, I do know him.  Let me tell you what he did for me one time, long ago."

Take it from there.

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*

Make It MATTER!

One common failing I see would-be mystery writers jumping into is killing somebody without laying any real groundwork. They will throw up a generic motive like GREED, or maybe JEALOUSY, but somehow it never really gets believable.  Joe's rich old aunt gets the ax and he is busy covering up the dirty deed.

If you just gotta kill somebody to get your mystery moving let's at least make it matter.  Here, let's go back to Joe and his rich old Aunt Gertie.  He's waited ten years and she still hasn't been nice enough to kick the bucket.  Ten years being nice to the old bird has put a definite squint to his eyes when he's faking love and admiration for her flighty ways.

The first thing you want to do is invest Aunt Gertie with gimpy mannerisms you especially hate.  This gives you an edge in making it seem all too righteous ( or better yet, URGENT )to bring the old bird down.  So let's start our mystery out with Joe and Aunt Gertie on their way to a glass show.  "A glass show?  I ask you, a glass show?  She's already spent a hundred thousand dollars of my inheritance on antique glass and she made me, MADE ME build a GLASS cabinet to put the junk in so it would gleam and glisten."

Aunt Gertie is driving the Mercedes, last in a long line of gushers on the street.  Suddenly she sees a truck paused at the stop sign on a side street.  The driver is patiently waiting for them to pass on so he can pull out.  Three tenths of a second later and Aunt Gertie will be past him and he will be clear to make his move.  Aunt Gertie uses fifteen seconds to stop the Mercedes so she can motion the driver to cross in front of her.  Joe ducks his head so she won't see the squint in his eyes.  The driver of the truck flips her the bird.  Aunt Gertie motions again, grimacing slightly.  "Be nice to some people," she mutters.

Joe glances behind them.  As he suspected there is nobody behind them for half a mile.  He looks forward again just in time to see the truck driver slam the door of his truck shut and stride to Joe's side of the Mercedes.  "Why in the ======= don't you get this ******* Mercedes the ***** out of the way?"

Aunt Gertie gasps.  Tears spring into her eyes.  "I was just trying to be nice!"

"NICE?" screams the truck driver.  "Nice would have been going on past and getting the *** out of my way.  You're not fooling anybody with your stupid stopping like you were holding up a mile of traffic, pretending to do a nice deed...."  the driver sputters to a stop, glares at Joe, then goes back to the pickup.  Aunt Gertie is sobbing now.  The driver steps out in front of her.  He bows and with an exaggerated sweep of his arm invites her to get into the other lane and go around him.  His imitation smile is sweeter than corn syrup.  Furious, Aunt Gertie tries to go around him but he steps out in front of her again so she has to stop.  "Have a NICE day," he tells her when her window comes down a fraction.

Aunt Gertie showers down on the accelerator and seconds later she is going double the speed limit.  "Only in Houston," she sobs to Joe.  "There's nothing but slobs like that in Houston."

She sees an old car putter up to the stop sign on the next side street and pause there to look around while waiting so Aunt Gertie can go on by.  "But he's not going to get my goat.  I'll go on being nice to people even if it kills me."

She slams on the brakes to jerk the Mercedes to halt and motions sweetly for the woman driver to pull out in front of her.

"Aunt Gertie!" Joe whispers.

"He is NOT going to stop me from being nice," she says firmly.  "What in the world is wrong with that woman?  Would you come on out of there?"  She waves again, anger making her face a grimace.

The woman smiles and timidly pulls out so her car is right in front of the Mercedes.  She stops and smiles again, then inches forward and looks back past the Mercedes to make sure it is safe to go on past the Mercedes across the second lane.  There is someone back there, must be.  Maybe she has eagle vision or something.  The other car doesn't move, just sits there.  The driver squints at Aunt Gertie and smiles nervously.  She rolls her window down and calls out, "Donde es el mercado en Estrado Willow?"

"Give some people an inch and they take a mile," Aunt Gertie muttered.  She shoved the horn button down and made rude motions at the other car.  Joe slides lower and lower in his seat when traffic finally piles up behind them. 

His eyes close.  "That was your last chance old lady.  I'm not waiting any longer for my inheritance!"

You'll want to change the excuse for murder to a subject of your own choosing, and MAKE IT MATTER to the MURDERER.

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Here are some situations to develop

Suffer in silence

SPLAT!

I don't know who was more shocked, him because he hadn't killed me, or me because I hadn't even seen the blow coming. I'd made him angry with my sharp orders and he had challenged me with violence. Well, I just naturally moved a step closer. My eyes were right on him. You know how you can tell by their eyes when they are about to strike? His eyes never gave a glimmer of warning. You know how you can tell by their shoulders when they are moving to strike? I never saw a flicker of movement. But there it was, SPLAT!  Right in my face.

JC had hit me so hard my whole bottom lip was busted, mashed to jelly. He had hit my chin so hard that my jaw came down to meet his fist and there was enough force left to do all that damage. And I thought, Gee, I've got a REAL fight on my hands. It made me cautious as I moved towards him.

But if I was shocked JC was stunned. He knew how hard he had hit me and he could not believe that ANYONE could still be standing perpendicular to the ground after that kind of connection. His eyes widened and he backed up a step. Three men got between us and pushed us apart then hauled us both up before the Section Sergeant.

He glared at me first. "I gave you those stripes because I thought you could lead men."

I nodded and apologized. "It just happened so quick."

Then his face turned into a real scowl as he turned towards JC. "And you, stupid! Using your fists on an NCO right in front of all those officers."
His glance swiveled back to me. "You'd better go see the medics. You'll need a dozen stitches to get that mess sewed up."

I shook my head, tried to grin and realized the situation wasn't quite that funny. "No, this much damage would have to go down on report and Clarke is too good a man to have charges brought against him for doing what he should have."

JC was even more stunned than when I didn't go down. I got the grin all the way onto my face then. I don't think he could tell it was a friendly grin by looking at my face though because he shuddered. Sergeant Davis and I both laughed at his confusion. "Take him with you on that raid tomorrow then. Let's see if his courage is as solid as his fist."

After that first raid in which his nerve held admirably well, I would volunteer us when a tough situation came up by saying, "Let me and JC go in." That's how the team of "Me & JC" got started. Over the next two years Me & JC put a lot of brass to shame, stealing their equipment from under armed guard, finding the weak points in their defenses. They hated us, but it was a whole lot better for us to do it and give everything back than for the enemy to hit them where it hurt, once and for all.

Now, if this was a work of fiction the next thing you'd hear is either how me and JC fought each other at every turn after that just for the fun of it, or how we fought others and tore them apart with our fists. But the truth is, we just flat had a good time after that. I mean, after all, the other side had loaded guns so we didn't go in there to court violence.

In fact, the only time we even came close to an experience with physical violence was when we came down over a razor blade fence at a strategic compound and two bullets came scratching at the asphalt between us, followed by an alert guard shouting: "HALT. HALT OR I'LL SHOOT!"

We skinned out of there amidst another hail of bullets, laughing almost out loud. Once we were out of the compound and safe we collapsed with laughter.  Again and again hooted at each other. HALT. HALT OR I'LL SHOOT!"

It's good to know there are soldiers like that, ready to shoot when a thief drops on his turf.. We wanted to go testify in his behalf at his courts martial for shooting at shadows but Sergeant Davis wouldn't let us. I'd like to say that Sergeant Davis went in our stead, but that didn't happen either. Just one more reason I did not reenlist when my tour was up. Too much sadness, too much pain, too much shame.

Maybe my country was better off because of what I did, but I wasn't. I came home a scrambled wreck – more like a hand grenade rolling around loose on a downhill slide with the pin already half way out.  Just show me the target.

I tried the police force and the first week on line I was called in to help stop a burglary in progress.  The alarm had gone off and five of us surrounded the home to bust the guy.  Five of us, one guy.  We nailed him and there were high-fives all around, those silly cops so hyper you'd have thought they'd done something.  I was going to settle for this kind of excitement for the rest of my life?  I had to get away and puke.

The FBI invited me in for a look-see and as I walked through the office desks to get to the interview what I saw them doing in just that short recon made me so sick I had to detour to the bathroom and puke again.  Boy, if I'd had a hand grenade in my hands that day!  But what I really wanted was a bomb; that would wipe the whole nest of them out.

Fortunately for my sanity -- You take it from there.

Divorce is Inevitable

Gene glanced at the night clock and realized it was quite late.  "Alice," he called.  "Can I talk to you for a moment."

The bathroom door popped open a few inches and Alice responded.  "Oh, I'm sorry dear.  I thought you were asleep.  Let me say Goodbye to Jacklynn and I'll be right out."

In less than three minutes Alice came out and hung up the phone.  Sighing deeply she got into bed.  "Yes dear, what shall we talk about?"

Gene nodded towards the clock.  "You called Jacklynn at 8:35 to ask for a very simple announcement be put into the bulletin.  It is now 9:57."

He felt her body stiffen in the bed beside him.  "The question I have is, are you sure Jacklynn was THAT interested in what ELSE you had to say?"

"Well, yes, I am," she assured him.  "When your husband is underfoot twenty four hours a day, seven days a week, for three months and still counting, us women do tend to clutch at any reed that calls our way."

Gene thought about that for a moment then asked.  "Since I am also at home, twenty four hours a day, seven days a week, and have been for several years, am I driving you nuts too?"

"Oh NO, dear," she quickly reassured him.  "I was nuts when I married you."

He grinned as he reached for her.  "Then, can we take off all our clothes and make mad, passionate love?"

Alice rolled rolled her head towards him.  "No," she responded graciously.  "That would require too much effort on my part.  However, if you want to take off all your clothes and dance around the room naked, I will promise to watch."

Take it from there.

In Front of the mirror: 

George gets a lot of guests because he really knows how to entertain, fresh liquor and myriad snacks brings a steady roll.  George is having more fun with his guests after they leave than while they are there. 

Sooner or later all of his guests go to the bathroom.  Maybe you've never noticed before, but posing in front of bathroom mirrors is a national sport second in popularity only to watching television.  Smiles are practiced here, hosts are mocked, secrets told out loud which have never seen the light of day before.

Unbeknownst to his guests there is a camera behind the mirror.  George is taking their pictures while recording their words and expressions.  It is all fun and games until he learns a dearly loved friend intends to murder his wife and frame the deed on George.

Death by Insanity
The motive is the thing and dying is half the fun when the gum-shoe is an on-line psychiatrist trying to decide if you are paranoid while evaluating your best friends to find out who is trying to do you in and what motivation that particular character might have for trying to drive you crazy -- and then two steps beyond.

Dan L. Boone's Trail of Discovery.  Ever since the summer of 1768 Dan L. Boone had been dreaming of setting out to explore the frontier beyond the Appalachian Mountains.  Now that the Colonies had declared their Independence from Great Britain he was in a lather to get away before conscription became a common practice. 
He had it all planned out.  "First I'll need a wheel barrow to haul all my pills in.  I'll throw in three changes of clothes over the top to strap the pills down. Then I'll need a wagon to haul my chain saw, supplies and tools in.  I'll need a GPS so I can blaze new trails safely, and I've got to get hold of a cell phone somewhere just in case I break a leg or something." 
He came back again and again to the need for a long rifle and ammunition.  "If I put it in a weather proof case it won't be handy in case of Injuns.  But how can I keep my powder dry if I have the rifle out where I can use it?  And how much tick control medicine will I need?  Mama?  Mama, can I get on the Web to do some homework?"

Inside The Ninth Cell

Joe Gibbons is caught just outside his home and carried away blindfolded.
When the blindfold is removed there are 7 other men and 1 woman being similarly manhandled. Joe doesn't know any of them.
Their captors are dark-complected Latinos.
The first cell is opened up. On the wall directly opposite is a drinking fountain inset in the wall. One of the captors goes over to demonstrate the drinking fountain. There are two push buttons on the right. He pushes the bottom button. His head goes all the way inside to reach the fountain. When his head comes out he turns to the captives and smiles.
Another captor comes in with a live rat in one hand. The rat stretches its head into the water cavity and the man pushes the top button on the right. CHOMP! A guillotine blade swishes down and slashes off the head of the rat. Blood spurts. The woman screams.
The leader of the captors tells them that the guillotine has been programmed to fall after a randomly selected number of drinks somewhere between 1 and 99 have been taken. The top button can be pushed to end it all at any time. Otherwise, you take a chance on losing your head every time you take a drink. Not even the guards know when the blade will fall to end it all.
The walls are padded, but not the floor. A restroom hole is in one corner. In the middle of the room is a table, fastened to the floor. A stack of writing paper is encaged on the desk. Sheets can be removed one at a time only if the previous sheet has been slid down the slot in one whole piece. A pen is chained to the desk. No chair, no comforts of home.
Each time a guillotine falls, a loud whistle will shriek in all nine cells.
One of the captive men is thrust into the cell. The door slams shut.
The group goes to the next cell. Another live rat is produced and beheaded. The woman captive screams.
One of the captive men is thrust into the cell. The door slams shut.
The group goes to the next cell. Another live rat is produced and beheaded. The woman captive screams.
One of the captive men is thrust into the cell. The door slams shut.
The group goes to the next cell. Another live rat is produced and beheaded. The woman captive screams.
One of the captive men is thrust into the cell. The door slams shut.
The group goes to the next cell. Another live rat is produced and beheaded. The woman captive screams.
One of the captive men is thrust into the cell. The door slams shut.
The group goes to the next cell. Another live rat is produced and beheaded. The woman captive screams.
One of the captive men is thrust into the cell. The door slams shut.
The group goes to the next cell. Another live rat is produced and beheaded. The woman captive screams.
The woman is thrust into the cell. The door slams shut.
Joe is walked to the last cell. Another live rat is produced and beheaded. Joe faints. When he wakes up he is inside the last cell and the door has been slammed shut behind him.
He can hear the stirrings of the other captives faintly, if he listens hard enough. When one speaks it is as if they were right in the cell with him.
"I don't think we should give them our names for anything," says a man.
"My name isn't worth a penny to nobody," says another man.
"My name's Anita," says the woman. Her voice quavers.
"Mine is Joe Gibbons," says Joe. "I'm in the last cell, right beside you."
"We can almost shake hands," she laughs, but the laughter stops abruptly.
"I'm right beside you on the other side," says a man's voice. "My name's Bill, Bill Johnson."
"Hi Bill," says the woman.
"Has anyone taken a drink yet?" asks the first voice.
No one answers. Joe finds himself looking at the water fountain cavity but testing his mouth for dryness. How long before his first drink becomes a necessity? he wonders. His gaze switches to the table with the paper and pen. "Anybody know what in the world the desk and writing paper is in here for?"
No one answers.

***

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